Marital Adjustments – the Blahs and the Bliss, a study of Song of Solomon 5:2-8:14

Marriage has its ups and downs, its blahs and bliss. Solomon and the Shulammite experienced both in their marriage especially in their love life. This week’s lesson looks at the adjustments they had to make, and the ongoing growth of their marriage. It begins with a dream the Shulammite had of separation. It moves on to marital bliss, and responsibility.
Note: While there are several ways to interpret the Song of Solomon, I’m staying with the literal love story interpretation. As mentioned last week there is probably more here than meets the eye, and someday I hope to discover it.

Marital adjustments – the blah, Song of Solomon 5:2-6:3

First, it’s a dream, “I was asleep but my heart was awake.” [v.2] The heart being awake indicates she was dreaming. Unlike the previous dream this one occurred only once sometime after the wedding. The dream was probably the result of problems in the marriage relationship from a lack of adjustment.  

Second the dream. [vv.2-] The new bride had removed her gown and washed her feet and was in bed for the night. Her “beloved,” the Hebrew word is “dod” the word for intimate relations, came knocking. Husband and wife often did not share the same bed or bedroom. He or she would go to the other’s bed when desiring intimacy. In this dream Solomon comes from a distance to sleep with Shulammite. He called for her to open the door. [v.2b] He called her “my sister,” meaning one of equal rank, and “my beloved” using a different word for beloved than she used, “ra’eyah” that singled her out as one chosen by him for intimate relationship. “My Dove” shows his love for her on account of her purity, simplicity and beauty. In calling her his perfect one he was saying she is the one upon whom love and devotion is centered.

However, as the dream continues, Shulammite refuses his advances because she has already removed her gown, sleeping in her birthday suit, and washed her feet. People who wear sandals in dusty climates wash their feet before going to bed. She had gone to bed for the night and didn’t want to get up, put her gown back on, and soil her feet again.  [v.3] Remember, it is only a dream, but is probably based on something that has actually happened.

Solomon reached in through an opening in the door, perhaps to open it? As he did this her passion was aroused and she changed her mind. [v.4] She got up and opened the door to let him in but it was too late. The myrrh on her hands, fingers, and on the handle may have been costly perfume Solomon placed on the door handle thinking she was not home. “But my beloved had turned away and gone!”  Her heart went out to him, she called, but he did not answer. [vv.5-6] However the night guardsmen did find her and they treated her roughly – took her outer garment as they would a prostitute. Quite a contrast from the way they treated her in the third chapter! [v.7; 3:3]

The Shulammite’s adjuration to the Daughter’s of Jerusalem. [vv.8-9]] If you find my lover, “Tell him, “I am lovesick,” she implored the Daughter’s of Jerusalem. Her attitude has changed, now she will respond do his advances. They ask her, “What kind of beloved is your beloved?” Or, what’s so special about your lover compared to other lovers? [v.9]

The Shulammite’s Adoration of Solomon [5:10-6:1] The next seven verses are the bride’s description of her husband. (1) He is white and ruddy, or light with rosy cheeks – marks of royalty. [v.10a see Lamentation 4:7] (2) He is “outstanding” – “Bannered” out or marked by this from among ten thousand men. [v.10b] (3) His head is like pure gold, [v.11a] (4) his hair is wavy and black as a raven. [v.11b] (5) His eyes were peaceful and bright. [v.12] His cheeks were like a bed of spices, v.13a, (6) his lips like lilies dripping with myrrh. [v.13b] (7) His hands were like gold, like his head. [v.14a] (8) His torso was like carved ivory with precious jewels embedded. [v14b] (9) His legs were like pillars of alabaster in pedestals of gold. [v.15a] Thus his entire body is as majestic as the cedars of Lebanon. [v.15b] Her conclusion, “He is wholly desirable.” [v.16] The word translated “desirable” means pleasant. “This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughter’s of Jerusalem.” [v.6b] They respond, “…we may seek him with you.” [6:1] Thus they will help her find her beloved.

Solomon is found. [6:2-3] “My lover has gone down to his garden, to the beds of balsam,” indicates that Solomon has returned. The garden is the Shulammite herself. [v.2; see 4:12-15& 5:1] Did she always know his whereabouts? Perhaps, it may have been that the separation was more in the emotional realm than the physical. Keep in mind that she was dreaming, these verses may have been the foundation of her dream. Whatever the cause, these verses also reveal that the separation has been overcome, now, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine, He pastures his flock among the lilies.”  There is again mutual togetherness and intimacy. [v.3] Bliss is restored.

Every marriage experiences the blahs. They are part of the becoming one process. Separation, either real or emotional causes disunity, loneliness, and or longing. Its one of the “little foxes” that need to be dealt with. Who was at fault? Well, for sure the Shulammite rejected the advances of her husband. The first reflection ended with an admonition that encouraged mutual physical response and satisfaction. However, Solomon failed to take into account the Shulammite’s desire, or lack of it, and that she had already settled in for the night. So, it was something they needed to work through.

  II. Marital adjustments, the bliss 6:4-8:14
The dream is over and reality returns. In this section, 6:4-9, Solomon compares the Shulammite with the most beautiful places in Israel. She is as beautiful as Tirzah, as lovely as Jerusalem, and as awesome as an army marching under banner. [v.4] Shulammite was a beautiful as Tirzah an oasis which later became the capital of the Northern Kingdom. [1 Kings 14:17; 15:21; 33; 16:8;23] She was as becoming as Jerusalem. She was as awesome as an army about to enter into battle confident of victory. Her eyes captivate and confuse – delight – him. He continues to describe her hair, her teeth – they are all there, white and straight, and her temples or forehead. In fact she is the most beautiful women he knows. More beautiful than sixty of his queens – these were the legal wives who were to produce children, and eighty concubines – women skilled in sexual performance, and countless virgins. These numbers indicate this was early in solomon’s life, later there were 700 wives and 300 concubines! [1 Kings 11:3] She was above all of them, she was his dove, his perfect one. [vv.5-9]

I doubt any wife wants to be compared to other women today. None-the-less there is a good point here in that Solomon knew how to praise his wife and was not shy in doing so.

The final reflection – more adjustments. [6:10-8:14] This section begins with the bride going down to the orchard, the nut gardens, to see the blossoming trees.“Who is this…?” its the Shulammite in all her beauty. [vv.10 – 11] As a person would look for the new growth, buds on grape vines, and pomegranate blossoms so she looked for fresh evidence of their love. [v.11] While there, unaware of the profound feelings evoked by the scene, she said, “my soul set me over the chariots of my noble people.” [v.12] This is one of the more difficult verses of the Song to translate. One translation which has much to commend it is this: “I became enraptured, for you placed me on the chariots of the people of the prince.”1[Deere, J. S. (1985). Song of Songs. In J. F. Walvoord & R. B. Zuck (Eds.), The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures (Vol. 1, p. 1022). Wheaton, IL: Victor Books.] Along that same line is that the Shulammite has been so quickly elevated from a country peasant girl to being the wife of the king she is not fully comfortable in her new royal role.

 At that the Daughter’s of Jerusalem speak again, “Come back, come back, O Shulammite, as at the dance of the two companies.” [v.13a] As the Shulammite is walking away the Daughter’s of Jerusalem call to her. They want her to return so they can “gaze” on her. The word for gaze means to look deeply in pleasure and for pleasure. It can even mean to behold in an ecstatic state. [Strong] This is the first time in the text the Shulammite is addressed by name, actually it is the place she is from, a town, Shunem, of the tribe of Issachar. [Joshua 19:17-18] Her reply, “Why would you gaze at the Shulammite?” [v.13b] They reply, “As at the dance of the two companies.” [v.13c] Some say this refers to the dance of the angels in Genesis 32:1-2, however there is no record that they danced. In some way it is associated with the town of Mahanaim although the connection is not clear. More likely it refers to an erotic dance, for this is exactly what follows in the context. 2[2 Fruchtenbaum, A. G. (1983). Biblical Lovemaking: a study of the Song of Solomon (p. 55). Tustin, CA: Ariel Ministries Press.]

The charms of the Shulammite. 7:1-10 Are these first five verses another description of the bride, or is this a description of her as she does an erotic dance? Some of the language used, i.e.:“curves” describe the body in motion. Which ever, it records the rapture Solomon found in the Shulammite. In these verses the words are from Solomon who takes the initiative in their lovemaking. The description is more mature than earlier descriptions revealing there maturing love. He is enjoying his wife and she delights in his enjoyment. He is both captivated and motivated, maybe a better word would be seduced, by her physical charms and actions. [vv1-9] It ended with the repeat refrain of mutual possession, “I am my beloved’s And his desire is for me.” [v.10; see 2:16, & 6:3] Well it didn’t really end there the flame she lit was going to find its fulfillment.

The Shulammite’s invitation to love. [7:13-15] This is the first time in the Song where the Shulammite takes the initiative in their lovemaking. It is a direct request for sex. Earlier she spoke in the third person, 1:2a 2:6. Here she boldly asked him to, “go out into the country, spend the night in the village, …There I will give you my love.” She further promises both old and new “choice fruits, Which I have saved up for you, my beloved.” [vv.12-13]

In the opening verses of chapter eight she desires that Solomon be as a brother to her so she could openly show her affection. [v.1] If that were the case she would take him home that he might forever be her teacher that she might become a better wife. [v.2] She repeats her desire of his teaching. [v.3] The reflection ends in verse 4 with the familiar admonishment that sexual passion should not be aroused until it can be satisfied. The context in this setting is that it should be satisfied n the proper place. [v.4]

There love covenant renewed. 8:5-7 The Daughter’s of Jerusalem ask, “Who is this coming up from the wilderness?”  The question is always of the Shulammite. [see 3:6; 6:10] The long trip from Jerusalem has been completed, she is leaning upon Solomon to support herself. The wilderness reference indicates they have come from Jerusalem via Jericho. [v.5a] Solomon speaks when they come to the place of their fist meeting, under the apple tree. It is also the place where she was born. [v.5b] One purpose of this trip was to renew their love covenant. Shulammite says, “put me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm…” [v.6] Love cannot be quenched. The word for love here is “ahavah” the word that describes complete love. It is a love that is as powerful as death and is the very “flame of the Lord.” There love is of God, the only place in the Song where He is mentioned.  [vv.6-7]

The Song ends at the home of the Shulammite. [8:8-14] It begins with a conversation she has with her brothers about her younger sister.The sister is not yet of marrying age and thus it is their responsibility to protect her. The “wall” means they will keep her inaccessible to harm, if she is more like a door, accessible to harm, they will enclose her with cedar planks. [vv.8-9] Their words remind her of how she was, she was a wall inaccessible to seduction. She was physically developed and ready for love, unlike her sister, but only for her husband. [v.10] The next two verses remind Solomon that he had vineyards he leased out to others. So her vineyard, herself, has been given to Solomon. Her brothers had been the keepers of this vineyard up to the day of her marriage so they should be given some reward.

Solomon asked her to sing a song for him and his companions. [v.13] Her song, “Hurry my beloved, and be like a gazelle or a young stag on the mountains of spices.” [v.14] And the bliss continues!

Marriage is a wonderful gift of God. He ordained it. He sanctions it. He continues to bless it. Therefore we must ever nurture, guard, and enjoy our marriages the blahs and the bliss.

Next week we begin a eight week study of the Old Testament prophecy of Ezekiel.